Parenting A Child With Special Needs
Grief targets the unprepared, and strikes without warning. Most of us think of grief only in the context of the death of someone we love, but it is much wider and deeper than that alone. Grief is loss – the loss of anything. If we can wrap our mind around the fact that grief is the response to unmet expectations, the grief process can be significantly decreased.
Now that you have received the news your child is a special needs person, you will be going through the grief process. The expectations you had for your child can no longer be met in the same way. The more readily you accept this is what has happened in your life, the more readily you can begin to build that life in a positive manner.
I recently interviewed a special mom of a special little girl. Emma Grace was diagnosed with a significant heart defect in utero and waited five months after birth (in the PICU) awaiting a heart transplant. Emma Grace is now eight years old and lives with autism. Her mom, Heather, is a great example of a mom doing a great job raising a special needs child. Does that mean she does not grieve what could have been? No, that is a normal process when learning you are parenting a child that has different needs than the child you imagined.
When I adopted my (just turned) six year old stepson 10 years ago, I knew he had “some issues”. My hubby and I naively thought they could be corrected by some outpatient therapy and lots of parental love. In the last ten years, I have learned acronyms I didn’t know existed- ADHD, ODD, RAD, PTSD and more. I have learned about IEP’s, Tourette Syndrome, Bi-Polar, home school versus private school versus public school (don’t even get me started) and I have learned that sometimes you have to let go of the white picket fence expectations and grieve.
Grieve the child you thought you had, grieve the life you envisioned for your family and embrace what God has in store for you. It may be difficult but His plan is always better than anything we could imagine.
Parenting a child with special needs (be it physical, emotional, mental, etc) is challenging and exhausting. But, it is also rewarding and fulfilling. Embrace your family and find support from other’s who know what you are going through!
~Melissa, Multi-Tasking Mama, blogs about life at www.multitaskingmama.com and spends time at her (free) social network offering advice on living the life designed for you. She likes coffee, chocolate, loves Jesus and her family and lives to write and offer people encouragement in difficult circumstances.~