Many of us consider fertility as black and white. We assume it’s either a problem we have to face, or not. As such, many of us breathe a sigh of relief when we conceive our first child, assuming we’ll never have problems. Which is why it can hit so hard when secondary infertility comes to the fore. You always assumed your child would have a sibling. But, months pass and it doesn’t happen.
Infertility of this kind is far more common than we realize. While the reasons vary, it’s often to do with nothing more than the passing of time. Even a gap of a few years could see both you and your partner’s bodies changing. Sadly, those changes often mean trouble for conception.
Of course, that doesn’t mean your youngster has to be a single child forever. There are now all manner of options you can take, like the surrogacy program you’ll find if you click here. While this may not be what you had in mind, the end goal will still be a happy family of your own. The only issue is, you need to consider how you’re going to explain this to your little one. Kids understand to some extent that birth follows pregnancy. As such, your child may find your flat tummy confusing for the nine months leading up to sibling city.
That’s why you need to spare a thought about how to explain what’s happening and get them excited regardless. And, we have a few pointers to help you do that.
Tell older children up front
If you judge that your child is old enough to grasp the surrogacy concept, don’t skirt around this. Be honest with them. Kids hate nothing more than being patronised. The chances are that they’ll piece together what’s happening anyway. At the very least, they’ll be able to hit the internet and do their own research. Don’t let them learn what’s going on from a website. Instead, sit them down and talk them through it. You don’t have to go into the details, but a brief overview will help them understand. Explain your reasons for taking this path, and then answer any questions they might have. This will be an awkward conversation, but it’s easier than avoiding the issue.
Use stories for young kids
Explaining to young kids in the above way isn’t going to work. A child below five won’t be able to grasp half of the concepts behind something like this. In this instance, it’s best to rely on stories. You could make up your own story, about a child who landed in the wrong tummy on their way to your house. Or, you could rely on the many story books about this subject which are already out there. The Kangaroo Pouch: A story about surrogacy for young children by Sarah Phillips Pellet is popular, and you can buy it on sites like this one. Or, you could search for alternatives which apply better to your personal journey. Either way, these can be a fantastic and fun way to help your child prepare for the arrival of their sibling. You may also find that these books are a tremendous help of describing surrogacy to your new child down the line.
Get them excited by involving them in pregnancy prep
The chances are that you always dreamt of your child putting their ear to your baby bump. It’s one of those picturesque parenting moments. Obviously, though, that isn’t going to happen with surrogacy. What’s more, this lack of visual proof for your pregnancy could confuse your child. Even if you’ve explained, they may struggle to get excited about a sibling they see no sign of. Hence why you should go out of your way to involve them in preparations. Take them for shopping days when you’re stocking up on baby stuff. Let them help out in small ways with decorating the nursery. You could even sit them down and show them some scan pictures to help them realize there is a sibling on the way. In some instances, parents even decide their child should meet the surrogate. This is down to you and the surrogate you’ve chosen, but it could provide that visual confirmation your child is after. Bear in mind, though, that this does have the potential to confuse matters more. Make sure, then, that it’s the right thing to before making this decision. Either way, work hard to inject that sibling excitement before the big arrival day.