Going through a divorce is going to be difficult for everyone involved, especially if you have children too. It can impact each party in a different way. It is not always a pleasant experience, and can be sad for everyone, as well as cause huge changes that can impact everyone. Fortunately, there are plenty of ways that you can make the process of a divorce a little lighter for your family and much more amicable. Regardless of how long you and your partner have been together for, it is likely that you share parts of your life together, such as property, children, savings, debt, family, friends, personal possessions, and much more. This can make the whole divorce process complicated and difficult to untangle. While couples usually focus on just the untangling, it is also important to build a new foundation for what the future will look like. The media portrays divorce as a negative thing, however, it can be positive. It will require work, consistency, and patience from everyone involved. This effort will be worthwhile, as it can make life much easier, and better for everyone involved. When families can get on, it can lessen the impact on everyone’s life.
Here are some top tips to keep the divorce nice and amicable.
#1 Accept and understand the impact of divorce
There is no escaping that a divorce is going to impact people, including you, your partner, and your children. It is important to remember that you are all in this together and that everyone is going to be feeling something about the divorce. It can be particularly difficult if your children are young, as their level of understanding may not be the same as older, mature children. It is important to accept this so that you can take the time to understand how everyone is feeling. This will help you to support each other and better understand what steps to take moving forward, including what support you should seek.
#2 Seek support
When you have a better understanding of how everyone feels, and how the divorce is impacting everyone, it is important to seek support. There are plenty of different forms of support that you can seek, which is positive as everyone will need something different. Support is crucial to how each party deals with the divorce. When you have support, you are able to share how you feel, gain new perspectives, and seek emotional support when you have bad days. This can significantly help your mental health and keep you on the right track in life. You can seek support through friendships, divorce support groups, or a therapist. Anyone involved to support you needs to be impartial to the situation, and ensure they can check in regularly, and have the mental capacity to support you, without being judgemental or biassed about the situation. It is important that people are not pointing fingers or playing the blame game so that you can continue to keep the process amicable and build a solid foundation to move forward with.
#3 Seek legal support
When it comes to assets, especially if there is a lot of money involved, it is vital to seek the support of a high net worth divorce attorney. This is so that the process can remain amicable, and fair. An attorney will be able to represent the interests of each party and help you all come to an agreement through negotiations to fairly distribute assets. This can take a lot of time, especially if there is a range of items and assets involved. It is therefore important to remain patient, and accept that things might not all go your way. Splitting items is going to be difficult for both parties, so remember that you are both going to be in the same position and have trouble letting go of things. The process of dividing assets can be challenging and emotions can be heightened, which is why it is important to seek legal support to help you through the process. This will help reduce stress and make sure everything is split evenly.
#4 Be patient
A divorce is not easy, nor is it a quick process. If you can get into the right mindset from the start, it will make the process much easier for everyone involved. Remember that your feelings and behaviors are being meticulously watched by your children, and they are likely to model your behavior. The more calm, patient, and compassionate you are about the process, the better off your children are going to be regarding the situation. Divorce can leave people feeling on edge, due to the significant change in lifestyle, the uncertainty about the future, and the potential fear and upset it is causing one or more parties. This can make you feel as if you just want it over and done with quickly. However, a divorce will never work like that. The moment you can accept that you have to play the long game, and the process will take time to resolve and move forward happily, will significantly improve the situation. You want to be able to enjoy life while going through the divorce, and not just wait until the end. Depending on how complex the divorce is, and the dividing of assets and other factors, it can take a long time for some. Be patient with the process, yourself, and your partner.
#5 Agree on the best method of communication
Communication is key in any situation, and especially in divorce. You should both consider how you best communicate and come to an agreement that works for you both. Divorce can bring out all kinds of things in people, and it is important to make the communication as smooth as possible, to make the process easier for everyone involved. Consider where your strengths lie, or what kind of communication would be more beneficial. For example, it can be better for some partners to communicate via writing when discussing bigger and more important topics, as it gives each party to consider what they would like to say, and write it in a positive way, whereas when speaking the same issues, it can likely get heated, cause conflict and often say things you don’t mean. Every couple will be different, but it can be vital to moving forward. If you are going to speak to each other and see each other in person, remember to consider your tone, and your body language when communicating. It is also important to not only consider the method of communication, but also the frequency. How often are you comfortable communicating with each other? Will you agree on a certain amount, or a particular time and place, or will you stay in contact where necessary and see how it goes? This can often differ depending on your relationship, and whether the custody of children is shared. You must agree on something that everyone is comfortable with, and compromise where necessary. This will take some work, but it will be worthwhile for the whole family.
#6 Set boundaries
Healthy boundaries during a divorce can help the process go smoothly. It is one of the first steps you and your partner should take, to help the process move forward amicably. First, you should agree on the physical boundaries. This includes setting expectations when sharing the same living space, which will enable you to have the mental space you need to process this new change. This can be anything from where you are staying, how often you will spend time together, and more. Boundaries regarding space are important, but you must also consider boundaries with the children, schools, appointments, with your assets, and items such as money, bills, loans, and much more. It is likely that there are still going to be a lot of things that need ironing out, especially at the beginning. While you want to ensure you are happy, it is important to remember there are two people involved. Setting healthy boundaries may take time and compromise, but are a great way to create clarity and fairness in a challenging and uncertain time.
While putting these strategies in place to make the divorces amicable, it is important that underneath it all, you all respect each other and the decisions that each of you make. The process is going to be hard on everyone, so patience and compassion are vital to creating a solid foundation to move forward with. Make sure you take time to regularly check in with each family member, to see how the divorce is going for them, what is working and what isn’t. This will help your family considerably learn as they go, because the situation will be new for everyone, and help make everyone involved as comfortable and happy as possible.
The more you can do to help your divorce, the better it will be for you and your family. It can be an overwhelming and uncertain time for everyone involved, so by putting strategies in place, you can create a little calm and keep everyone’s happiness and wellbeing at the heart of your decisions.