Sometimes no matter what you do and how many boundaries you have, some family members and children seem to get into trouble all the time. It is stressful, overwhelming and heartbreaking when it seems that all you do is offer support and, in return, it seems that they keep running into trouble.
It doesn’t matter what age your child is; they are still your child – which often means you will want to do everything in your power to make sure that they are safe, happy and healthy. But sometimes, that is more difficult for some than others.
Here are a couple of tips that can help you navigate the waters for these types of difficulties.
Blame
Almost 99% of the time, the parents aren’t to blame; it is just something that some children do. They act out and don’t know where to draw the line until it’s too late. Often if there is a big jolt, like being arrested, needing bail bonds, or an accident, that can give them a dose of reality.
Even the best kids can make mistakes from time to time, but what is most important is that you make sure that you realise that you are not to blame and your child is. Accepting responsibility and blame for their actions is a must.
Police
The police are there to do a job, and that means that they can’t and won’t always be on your side. They need to act on the information they have and treat criminal actions like criminal actions. Even if you have known the person making the arrest for years, it is your job to take action when required.
Cooperation
It might be tempting to try and shield your child – no matter how old they are from the situation. Making sure that you cooperate with any legal bodies who are involved to the maximum amount can often go in your favour. There are a couple of bases to cover when it comes to being interviewed, even when they’re not the ones directly involved but instead are on the outskirts.
- Make sure that you and your child both keep calm because getting argumentative can be more problematic.
- Try to be as respectful as possible.
- If asked for contact details, you are required to give them.
- Ensure that your children know that they don’t and should not answer any questions if they are under the age of 18; they can and should ask for a parent and/or a lawyer.
Limited rights
Having limited rights as a parent can be difficult to swallow, but in most cases, you will only be allowed to be in the room up until a point. Your child can ask for a lawyer, and it is a good idea to have that arranged as soon as possible.
Some police departments will allow parents to be in the room while others won’t – sometimes it comes down to the police officer and what the crime is.
No matter how much you get irritated and ask, there are things that you can and cannot do – it’s better to stay calm and ask questions. The more you know about the situation, the better you can deal with it.
You’re not a lawyer
Well, most likely, you aren’t a lawyer – which means while you might think you are aware of all of your rights, you probably aren’t. While you can listen to what your child has to say and most likely will have an opinion – you won’t know what can happen one way or the other until you consult a real lawyer.
In some places, you will be told if your child is under investigation, and in other cases, you won’t be told anything at all. It is not uncommon for parents to hurt their child’s case, though, because they sometimes waive rights or ignore instructions because they are worried about their children.
And another thing that parents often do is try to convince their children not to fully cooperate in case they incriminate themselves – or go too far the other way and, by not having a lawyer present, incriminate themselves.
No matter how much you think you know, and even if you are a lawyer – it’s best to let someone else take over for this one.
Referrals
Great lawyers aren’t hard to come by, but it can be tricky to find the right one to take care of your child. You ideally want someone that has experience dealing with cases like this – and a good track record too. The best way to find the right person is by seeking out some referrals. The best referrals will come from people you can trust, the clerk of the court or the local bar association.
Ahead of shaking hands and agreeing to hire the lawyer, it is important that you have some time to talk to them first. Ask your questions, let the lawyer ask theirs – and be 100% honest about the situation.
Keep in mind that you will need to pay a retainer, and depending on the case, it can run you thousands of dollars.
Have a backup lawyer’s number in case the first one doesn’t seem to fit with what you need.
Honesty
One of the most important things that you need to keep in mind is that you and your child need to face everything with honesty. There are likely going to be a lot of questions asked, and it is much more difficult to lie and then stick to it through multiple versions of the same question.
Honesty is the best policy for almost everything. Any lawyer will give you both a set of instructions that should be adhered to, and in some cases, you can get your child released from custody to you rather than have to post bond.
Even though they are a child, the older they get, the more likely it is that the things they do will do something that will stick with them for life.
Sometimes the issues can’t be helped, and having the right tips for those occasions is essential: Top Tips For Parenting A Teenager With Behavioral Issues – Moments With Mandi