It seems that there are two accepted ways to deal with our regrets in life – either pretend we have none at all (this seems somewhat false), or let them claw at us whenever they come to mind. But does that really have to be the case?
Well, it seems so. After all, like many of the negative thoughts we have, it’s not exactly easy to just artificially sit down and say “right, this regret is going to no longer affect me because I’d prefer it not to.” Our minds rarely take administrative control like that.
However, there are a few helpful methods you can take to make regrets seem less pointed and intense, perhaps even becoming something you’re grateful for. It just takes a perspective shift you should remind yourself of whenever they come to mind.
Let’s explore some of its elements, below:
Learn To Forgive Yourself
A skill you’ll never regret building is learning to forgive yourself. That’s because what’s done is done, and holding onto regret like a punishment won’t change that. So it’s helpful to cut yourself a little bit of slack instead. Why not?
To make this a little easier, youcan consider how you would treat a friend in the same situation. Would you tell them to carry that guilt forever? Probably not. You’d remind them that people make mistakes, that they were doing the best they could at the time with the knowledge and circumstances they had. Or, if they made a willing mistake, they now know why that was a bad idea. So why not extend the same kindness to yourself? If you can forgive yourself for the regret, odds are it’ll have less power over you.
You’re Never Sure What The Regret Saved You From
It’s easy to focus on what could have been if only you’d made a different choice. We all wonder what would have happened if X took place because none of us have the chance to control time or alter the past. But what about the things you may have avoided because of it? A missed opportunity might have protected you from a situation that wasn’t right for you, for example. Perhaps a date that went wrong could have led to a troubled relationship, and you were saved from it. Perhaps a lost job could have pushed you toward something much more fulfilling. You just never know with these things.
Life is often shockingly unpredictable, and every choice leads to paths we can’t see. Regret assumes that the alternative would have been better, but the reality is, you don’t know that at all. Sometimes, a mistake saves you from something worse, even if it doesn’t feel that way at the time. Shifting your mindset to see regret as redirection rather than failure can make all the difference, and it also helps you avoid pining for what you think you lost. Maybe you didn’t actually lose it.
Consider What You’ve Learned
It’s impossible to go through life without making mistakes. In fact, the most valuable lessons often come from the moments we wish we could undo, because what would you learn if everything went perfectly all the time? Likely nothing. So, think about who you are now compared to who you were then, asking how much have you grown? What do you understand now that you didn’t before? Would you make the same mistake again? If the answer is no, then you’ve already turned that regret into something worthwhile.
As such, rather than dwelling on the mistake itself, focus on what it taught you. Maybe it showed you what’s truly important to you, helped you understand your values, or made you more empathetic toward others in similar situations. Perhaps you feel bad for your years of obesity, but now you are much more accepting of others and open to the struggles they go through, and you might not have been before. Maybe you’re not proud of having to use a service such as Balboa Bail Bonds to get you out of legal trouble, but it taught you about managing your temper in public and you’re grateful for the reprieve. Life has a way of humbling us all, and sometimes, a regret can push us in that direction. If you’ve learned, you may feel the regret less sharply.
Accept No Life Is Smooth Sailing
Sometimes, we act as though we were supposed to have known everything from the start, as if we should have navigated life without a single misstep. But no one does at all. Everyone has regrets, choices they’d make differently, and moments they wish they could erase. That’s just part of being alive and a human in a world that doesn’t always make 100% sense.
Understanding that can help you see that the regret might not serve you anymore. That can be the start of letting it dissolve.
With this advice, you’re sure to put your regrets to bed, in your own time, at your own pace.