Haley learned how to put her own hair into a ponytail the other day. She just turned 6 and has declared that now, with the ability to do her own hair, “I won’t need you for anything!”. Oh sweet girl, how I wish that were true.
You see, I turn 31 in less than a month and I can’t tell you how many times I looked forward to “not needing” my mom when I was growing up. The lure of independence and freedom, it’s all too real. But now that I’m in my 30’s and I have three children, let me tell you something.
You’ll want your mom. You’ll be trying to cook something she used to make and you can never seem to get just right, and luckily, she’s a phone call away.
You’ll be worried about a fever – is it too high? Forehead, under the arm, under the tongue or in the bum?! Mom is just a phone call away.
You’ll be standing in front of a full-length mirror, head tilted to the side as you wonder if the dress you have on truly is “the one”. You will absolutely want your mom. You’ll need her to tell you yes, it is, even if she thinks you should cover your shoulders or go with less sparkle. You’ll need her to smile, to hold back the tears, while you try on a dozen more before your heart stops and your breath catches.
You’ll need her, even when she drives you crazy and annoys you and is hard on you.
You’ll need her to encourage you, to help push you to the next level. You’ll need her reminders and notes, and her purse full of hair ties and gum. Trust me, moms are always prepared.
You see, sweet girl, I lost my mom and I hope you never understand just how much I still need her, and want her, but can’t have her. I hope you never know what it’s like to want to pick up the phone to ask her a question, or how a TV show reminds you of her so much it hurts. People say they have “Dr. Google”, well I have “Momma Google”. I have questions and curiosities and the person who would know the best, I no longer have.
I love your desire for independence and freedom, and I will never hold you back from chasing your dreams and going after whatever it may be. But sweet girl, you have to know that even if you think you won’t need me, someday you will.
And I will always be right here.