Marriage brings all kinds of benefits with it – namely, you’re a couple now and you’re facing life together – but when that breaks down, there’s a lot you’ve got to do to untangle it.
It’s not just that you’re breaking up with someone. You’ve got a full legal structure to dismantle as well. And if you have children to think about as well, you know it’s not only you or your ex-partner who are hurting right now.
Of course, some people see divorce as a new chapter in life. For some it can be a very healing and liberating thing. But for many, it’s a hard thing to get through, and can be seen as the end of a period of happiness you’re not sure how to move on without.
All in all, divorce is a stressful thing. It can mean something different to everyone, but the process of getting one and becoming a single person again always carries an emotional burden with it.
That’s why we should go through the various things that make divorce the ordeal of stress that it is. The more you know about why you might be feeling the way you do, the easier this time in your life often is.
You May Be Losing a Relationship That’s Important (no matter how you really feel)
Divorces mark the end of a relationship. No matter how amicably you may end things, there’s always going to be a period afterwards where you’re feeling a sense of loss. And maybe one day you and your ex may be friends again, but for now, you’re going through a divorce and coping with what that means for your future.
The relationship we have with someone we used to be married to tends to be quite significant, and even if you’re glad you’re able to walk away, that sense of importance will still linger. It’s OK to feel both things at once, but sometimes the stress from that complex state will get you down.
You’ve Got a New Budget to Work Out
This is one of the most stressful parts of divorcing. You’re suddenly standing on your own two feet again, and that means you’ve got just the one income to live off of.
If you were a stay-at-home parent or house wife/husband, you may even suddenly need to get a job, which can be difficult if you’ve been out of the market for years.
You may also need to find alternative accommodation, and that usually costs, and even if the divorce settlement is going to be favorable, you won’t have access to that money straight away.
Spousal support payments can be sent through during the process; some alimony is available until you’re able to support yourself, some will stop once the divorce has been signed and sealed.
If you have friends and family to help out, be sure to reach out to them. Getting a support network around you right now can lift the financial burden of a divorce, even in small ways, and you’ll be thankful for the people you have in your life.
Going to Court is Intimidating
Divorce proceedings sometimes end up in a courtroom. This can be for a variety of reasons, but it most commonly occurs when there’s a disagreement over who gets what. And this possibility alone can be the most stressful one of all.
Having to go to court, to simply end a relationship you’ve spent the better part of the last years maintaining, can bring up all kinds of feelings. You might feel panicked, you might dread it, you might feel angry, you might even just be numb about the whole thing.
Either way, there’s stress involved in the situation, and that’s hard to wrap your head around.
But you’re not powerless at times like this. There are other ways to go through a divorce when there are potential disagreements about anything involved. Seeing an attorney trained in mediation is one such way, and it’s a popular alternative to the traditional courtroom drama that’s on the horizon.
Emotions Can Be Confusing
It’s something we touched on above, but the reality is just as complex as the feelings you’re experiencing right now.
Emotions over divorce can be very confusing, and not knowing how you feel or what you want can increase the stress you’re dealing with.
If you can, speak to a therapist trained in marriage breakdowns; they may be able to help you get your head round how you’re thinking and what you’re feeling.
You Could Need a Co-Parenting Arrangement
If you and your ex-partner have children, coming up with a co-parenting arrangement that works for the both of you can be tenuous. You still need to be able to parent your children in a way that allows you both access, but you also need to work together to create a cohesive and stable environment for your children.
That can be difficult if you disagree on the fundamentals, and that can make healthy co-parenting quite hard to achieve. After all, you may already have different ideas about child custody in the first place. If you’re concerned about the difference in rules between your and your ex’s home, you’re unlikely to feel a sense of peace about the arrangement either.
You Might Be Feeling Guilty
Guilt is one of the most compelling feelings in the world, and when you’re going through a divorce, it can tie you up in knots.
It’s not useful to assign blame anywhere, however. It’s best to focus on you and how you’re going to approach the future.
Coping with Stress During a Divorce
Stress is common when you’re going through a divorce. However, that doesn’t mean you should ignore it and just try to push past.
If you’re feeling the weight of the whole world on your shoulders right now, talk to someone, and try to figure out where the feeling really stems from.
It’s OK to let yourself be vulnerable in the face of an ended relationship, and sometimes a good cry is the one thing you need!