It doesn’t feel like it’s been a year. The left is Miss H as a newborn, and on the right? That’s on the morning of her 1st birthday. Snapped while she cruised along my desk trying to get away so she could explore and keep playing. This time a year ago, we hadn’t yet met. I was SO anxious.
I remember walking from the pre-op room to the operating room, and having to climb up onto the table. Then I was told to sit on the very edge and to relax, the anesthesiologist would be doing the spinal in just a minute. I tried so hard not to let my body shake, but it was so scared. It was a raw mix of emotion; fear, excitement, worry, panic, and love. It’s an uncontrollable shaking once it’s start, and so hard to calm yourself and breathe. You know what’s coming (well, I did, this was my third c-section), but it’s just so real in that moment, in that room.
Sweet little girl of mine, when I heard you cry for that very first time, I wanted to scream.One of those “Oh my God!” type of screams where something amazing has just happened. Oh I wanted to hold you right away, I wanted to see you and touch you and smell you. I couldn’t, obviously, but I know that when your Daddy saw you for the first time he fell in love. You stole his heart with that first glimpse of your sweet tiny toes, your head of hair, and your chubby cheeks.
It has been an amazing year with you, H. Time has flown but we have had so many fun moments. I know you won’t remember them, but I’ve taken pictures and videos. I’ve blogged about them, and my entire Facebook stream is filling with “mommy moments”, sharing stories and little pieces of your life.
Today we will celebrate you and the beautiful and smart little girl that you are. We will have cake and you will try pizza. I hope that before bed you will still let me hold you until you drift off to a peaceful sleep. You see, mommy isn’t ready for you to grow up. So if you can just let me have these moments where you are still my tiny little girl who would snuggle in close, I would love that.
Today we will remember your grandma and great grandma, and I will tell you how much they love you, even though they are not here. They are though – they have been here everyday, watching over you and guiding the both of us. Oh sweet girl, they love you so much!
*I* love you so much! You are my princess, my little girl, my best friend, my dance partner, my mess maker, my everything.
Happy Birthday, Haley!
