With it being 5 years ago that my mom passed away, I thought I could sit down and think of some of the memories I have of her, and things that we did. I remember a few things, like her mashed potatoes, or her obsession with soap operas (All My Children, One Life to Live, and General Hospital only). I remember her always on the phone with my grandma, and going grocery shopping.
But I don’t remember much.
I’m afraid that my memories of her are fading, and I’m scared. I can’t remember what it’s like to hug her, or what she smells like. I can remember telling her I was pregnant, but I don’t remember the look on her face.
What do you do when memories fade? What CAN you do?
Today is a hard day for me. I thought maybe I could busy myself with work, and find something fun to do. All I want to do is cry. I want one of those cookies that you get in the bulk section of the grocery store. You know the ones. There are several varieties, and they are in plastic bins. You purchase them by the pound, so you can mix them up. My mom used to buy them all the time. I remember coming home from kindergarten, grabbing three or four (almost always the chocolate chip sandwich cookies with chocolate cream in the middle), stretching out on her big bed, and watching afternoon cartoons. I will confess that I walk past them at the one grocery store here that sells them, and breathe in their scent. It reminds me of her, it reminds me of childhood.
When a loved one passes, how do you keep their memory alive?